I’m going to keep this brief…

The STM crew, F5 Media and I are back in Amsterdam for another shindig.

May 3rd, we are hiring a bar/lounge in the middle of Amsterdam. We have a couple speeches planned (something we have never ever done before). There will be a mix of some of the biggest marketers from around world. As well as staff from largest of the biggest ad platforms. Once the night strikes upon us we’ll hit the town and bask in the Amsterdam nightlife.

Conveniently timed around Queens Day/Kings Day (30th April). It’s the perfect excuse to give yourself an enjoyable tax deductible business trip!

RSVP here (worlds biggest button):

Yolo.

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Helloooo! I wrote this post last week, but just got around to posting it today, so times might be a bit off.  I do warn you it’s ridiculously long, and the title is 100% irrelevant.

I’ve been on a pleasurable business trip for the past 3 weeks. This post is just a little journal, as well as a chance to thank a few people.

Man it was eventful.

Here goes…

Day 1. Arrived in Prague. Met with Besmir my Italian/Albanian business partner for the first time. He doesn’t really read this blog so I can freely talk smack about him. Haha no but seriously it was a relief to find he was a super cool chill guy. Rumours hinted of sketchy cartel activities plus more.

We came across this awesome street performer in Prague.

Day 2. Met up Jordan our other Canadian business partner a.k.a Bad Juju a.k.a World’s worst immune system. We strolled around Prague city center, talked shop and hunted for the best goulash in town.

Day 3. We played in a mini football tournament set up for the conference. Let’s just say the silverware has been taken down to the South Pacific. Thank you Vlad for organizing it!

That night there was an party organized. At this point we discovered that there was a prohibition set on alcohol 20% +. It was illegal to sell anything other than beer, wine, martini and baileys. The black market spirit producers got greedy and added all the extra nasty stuff that shouldn’t be in vodka, rum etc. This ended up killing around 30 people and permanently blinding many others. Shizen.

Day 4. Conference day. I was a little underwhelmed. it was very small, and seemed very unorganized. It was hard to tell what was a booth, and what was just a group of people chilling around a couch. I did however pick up a few interesting tips and industry trends (sorry confidential info ). One thing I noticed was that the conference brought a noticeably older audience, then the typical US conferences. At night there  was another organized party, twas very strange being at a nightclub only serving beer and wine. Also, I noticed that people danced like they had all been taking dance lessons, was an interesting combination for sure.

Day 5. Conference was on again. We did a few tourist things, saw some really cool art, including some creepy big bronze baby statues.

Creepy baby sculptures in Prague

That afternoon we flew out to Amsterdam. Then checked into the apartment we booked from airbnb.com. It was perfect, right in the middle of town, quiet, good work space. The only odd things were that the bedrooms didn’t have doors, and the lounge was street level so everyone walking past were checking out what we were working on. Supposedly in Amsterdam if you close your curtains in before it gets dark it means you have something to hide.

The house we rented was just on the right…perfect for peeping tom’s

——

At this point my recollection of what happened on certains days mash into one big mess.

——

After a day or two of settling in, we managed to start a routine:

• Wake up do a few hours work.
• Head out to brunch (I don’t think we ever got out for breakfast time)
• Back to work.
• Get a sneaky sandwich from the most awesome deli ever. (so fracking delicious it was ridiculous)
• Hit the gym. ( I strongly believe this is one thing that kept me from driving my partners crazy)
• Work a few hours.
• Dinner.  (this trip made me hate tripadvisor, every top rated place was always booked out).

It was so productive being in the same timezone and same office space. Damn son.

The crew doing their thang.

STM & F5 Boat Meet Up! So…we hired a boat that was ridiculously large. I think there were 3 floors, huge dinning areas and outdoor areas. The meet up was awesome, around 50 people turned up from all corners of the world, Was great to put names to faces, and meet a tonne of new people. We cruised around for 3 hours, then headed out to Amsterdam town. We will definitely be hosting another one of these!

The Amsterdam version of Titanic we had for meetup.

We didn’t end up doing many touristy things, but managed to walk the streets everyday…most times longer than expected, due to our navigating incompetence.

Amsterdam was beautiful, the houses, the canals, the atmosphere, I even met a real life rice dog. I definitely want to visit again.

Next stop NYC!

The reason I was there was because mainly thanks to you guys, you readers!  Thank you! I won a contest hosted by Revenuewire. The prize was return flights to NYC, hotel, racing Ferraris for an entire day, and a whole lot more.

Day 1: I got in, jet lagged as hell, confused and disorientated. Went out for a scrummy dinner with the guys.

Day 2:  Race day! Woke up 5.30am. Went to the “heliport” (never knew airports for helicopters existed, we even got to chill in the VIP lounge!). Flew over NYC to the race track, it was stunning.

Heading to the chopper loaded with a special package.

Side note: Found out the day before that the reason we were moved from an LA race track to an NYC race track was because a guy died whilst racing, so they closed the track. Nerves we a little shaken.

I dawned my pedobear outfit, took some photos. Then hooned round in the Ferraris for hours. Definitely got my heart pumping as the co-drivers kept trying to push me to go faster and faster.

Nuff said.

Hunting for prey.

That night we went to a Yankees game. Bryce (another winner) hussled for scalped Yankees tickets in the Bronx…that was an experience.

Day 3:  Went for lunch with local hipster entrepreneur Mr Wasserman. Then went to out to dinner with Revenuewire and crew to a swanky steakhouse. After dinner we hit broadway to see “The Book of Moron” (a show created by the guys from South Park), it was hilarious.

Thank you once again to Breanne from Revenuewire! She with went with every suggestion we had for the few days. The perfect host!

Day 4: Back to kiwiland!

It was awesome to meet everyone on the trip! Sorry if I didn’t mention you all. Hope to see you again!

I’m done writing…1000 words is ridiculous.

Hola! How you doing? Geudddd. I’ve got the little blogging itch again.

This month I’m going on the worst organised round-the-world business trip possible. I booked my flights last week and am leaving today. I really need to start booking my trips further in advance. $7,393 USD was the lowest Air New Zealand fare from New Zealand to Prague. So, I decided I might skip Air New Zealand this time around.

The plan

Today I am heading on an epicly long-haul flight to Prague to unite with two of my business partners. One (Besmir) I’ve never met before.

Fun fact: Horror movie “Hostel” was filmed in Prague. It was about some naive male tourists who were tortured to death.

There are rumours circulating that Besmir hasn’t been able to attend US-based conferences because of previous activity with Albanian cartels.  I can’t confirm or deny the truth of these rumours, so it should be interesting. It’s my first time in Prague so I’m excited to venture around. I’ve heard great things.

From Prague, we go to Amsterdam to host a STM and F5 meet-up.

This boat will be ours for the meet-up. It’s about 1/10th the size of the Titantic and 1/5th the size of Noah’s Ark.

We’ve hired a boat filled with food, dranks, and sweet tunes to cruise around the waterways. We have about 80 RSVPs so it should be a good one. If you are in Europe on the 30 September, then come cruise around, talk shop, and chill with a bunch of ridiculously cool people. You can RSVP here.

We have booked an apartment from airbnb.com, which is going to be our office for a couple of weeks. We will probably drive each other mad but at least should get some decent work done.  Something special twill brew from that work period.

Early October I go off on my lonesome over to NYC.

This leg could be the end of me. The reason I am going over there is because of this http://www.live-dangerously.com/contest/. I have my pedobear outfit ready to roll too. Thank you to all my readers who made my nightmare a reality (I secretly hate you all).

Anyone buzzing around NYC, hit me up! I will be needing some moral support.

Look forward to see all over you cats over in Amsterdam and New York!

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An uncomfortably closeup shot of Santa is welcomed in any of my blog posts.

I’ll keep this short and extremely sweet…sweet enough to make your teeth rot.

• Do you run mobile campaigns?
• Do you worry about click loss?
• Do you worry about the safety of your tracking data?

Well well well, you must’ve been a good kid this year, because your worries are now over! STM Santa has delivered you an early Christmas present.

You can find the newly released mobile tracker on STM. It’s fast, it’s secure and it’s self hosted.

I run my mobile campaigns on it. I love it. It’s easy to set up, it does everything you need from a mobile tracker.

Features include:

• 1 – Self-Hosted
• 2 – 100% Open Source
• 3 – Weighted offer rotation with different payouts ( improvement to original prosper )
• 4 – Carrier Detection
• 5 – Handset Detection
• 6 – Model Detection
• 7 – OS Detection
• 8 – Non javascript tracking technology to reduce click loss
• 9 – Handles million dollar campaigns

Want to do download it?

- Are you an STM member? Yes? It’s stickied in the affiliate marketing section on STM. It will cost you $0

- Are you not part of STM? Yes? It will cost you $12,999.95. We think this price is fair.

Also, if you have any insanely obscure requests of features to be added let us know. We will be updating it frequently.

Love to all,

Mr G

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The kid is back…for now.

I wanted to post about ASE because it was fracking brilliant! Plus I wanted to say sorry to some of the people that I couldn’t catch up with.

I’d also like to apologise in advance for a couple of things:

• I have to withhold some names for one reason or another.
• Some parts of this post will make completely no sense to people who weren’t there.

Leggo!

Friday – Jet lagged like a bawse

I left New Zealand and landed in NYC 20 something hours later. Felt like utter crap and ready to hop into bed.

Pulled up to the Hilton at 1am. Bumped into Jordan (my business partner) and Mrs Jordan. It was Mrs Jordan’s last night in NYC so we went out for a drink at an 80s hiphop bar called Bob’s.  Met some odd Kiwis, as well as Miss Jaimmie Bumblebee and The WeedSeeds crew. It was funky.

Went to the famous Halal cart outside the Hilton and chomped down some of that goodness. Andy D unfortunately couldn’t touch the stuff throughout the conference week.

How insane is this? A $6 halal cart always has a line rain or shine 24/7.

Saturday – First meetings

Went out for a Lobster risotto brunch – was delish!

Jordan and I caught a ridiculously big limo with a driver who called himself Obi1kenobe (official spelling), then hit up the Clickbooth Exchange event at the Marriott. I learned that someone has a product for everything – I mean everything! “Learn how to make sparkling Christmas tree decorations by recycling your toenails”?

Finally got to meet up with half of the mighty Team ASP crew (winners of the STM hunger games) aka The Thunder for Down Under: Josh, Andy, Jax, Trung, and Lionel Richie. The coolest cats ever.

Then meet up with the super nice ich bin Dutchies from Deutschland (Alex, Stef and Nick: I know your not Dutch, but you for ease of writing you are now a Dutchy).

Went to Kiss & Fly.

Kiss & Fly became the regular hangout

Sunday – Keen As

Meetings with some awesome top secret people.

Missed a meeting :S

News Flash: Between meetings, a guy with huge knife went round time square trying to slash people, police shot him.

Went to the London where we meet up with Max and his possé from WhatRunsWhere, Matt Wizzlewazzleman, Comrade Stanley from Wickedfire and Michael Pomposello from Micael Pomposello.

Had a sick dinner at Keens with C2M. It was amazing the roof was lined with thousands of smoking pipes.  Steve ordered a FOUR pound lobster. I’ve never seen such a beast. Thanks C2M!

Went up to the hotel, had a shave, got skuxxed up then went to the Badger Ball at the Hudson (which was very chill, definitely my favorite location for early night functions). I reunited with many good folks, in no particular order, and forgive me if my memory is off: Alex P, Ryan Peesant, Senor Ngo, Nicky Caké, Eleah, April, Naomi, Rohail, some guy in a unicorn mask, and a few new cats too.

Jordan attracted some hostile beef from the bar tender, unsure why.

Went to SL with Adsimilis.

Check out the ceiling!

Monday – Full Capacity

More meetings!

Went to our meet up with Adsimilis at the London Sky Suite. It was a grand success…with a few hiccups. We went a few times over the capacity allowed in the suite. Security guards were posted outside the suite door to stop any new people coming in. More people were stuck in the lobby than were at the actual meet up.

The London laid down a $2000 fine for the excess people we hosted!

For those who did make it in the suite, thanks for coming! I got to meet a tonne of STM members for the first time, and then some old friends like The Happy Russian, Justin B and the Sundance Kids, Giancarlo, Carlito and Josh O.

Team ASP, Adam W, Jordan and I went to dinner with W4 at Morimoto. Oh my word I have never seen so much sushi, it was insane! Josh was feeling the burn after scoffing down enough sushi rolls to feed a family of wild North African red bears. Thank you W4!

With full stomachs Jordan “efficiently” navigated us over to A4D’s event at The Griffin. It was packed. I got to meet my dance battle arch nemesis Gretchen M. Phil K: if you are reading this, sorry it took me a while to figure out who you were, you company name totally put me off!

We then went to Clickbooth at the Hudson again. It was quiet, apart from seeing Ian Fernando backing his thang up on the d-floor, I’ve never seen some use their prescription glasses as a prop for dancing (I would have said hey, but didn’t want to cramp your style).

The Griffin! Yes!

Tuesday – The Heartbreaker

More meetings!

Got picked up by C2M by this beast of a “limo” called “The Heatbreaker”. All the C2m crew were there, apart from Michael who recently got escorted out of the conference because he decided to pick up and shake the Lifelock mascot around. Also in the limo was Rohail, G Mario, and Israel’s 9th fastest 400m sprinter.

We headed over to the Yankees stadium and were set up in one of the lounges there, it was sick! I think I finally understand the game of baseball now. My highlight of the game was seeing the pitcher getting smashed in the calf muscle by a returning hit and trying to play it cool like it ain’t no thing. I gotta say going to a baseball game is a PERFECT environment for talking business.

After that, we took The Heartbreaker to Kiss in Fly. It felt like I was in some music video coming out of that limo walking straight into the nightclub infront of a huge line who had been waiting for an age.

Oh snap that’s The Heartbreaker

Wednesday – Mudslide

The conference was finally over. Team ASP and the Dutchies once again headed out for lunch. This time it was pastrami heaven, a famous place called Katz. Apart from the terrible service, the epic long wait and the crappy hot dogs, the MASSIVE pastrami sandwiches were half decent.

We then went to a juice bar famous for their “Mudslide” juices. Once again Josh felt the urge to feed him and the family living inside his body three times over. He destroyed close to three large thick juices. In the taxi ride home he was dry retching outside the window, vividly describing how far up the juices were in his throat.

That night we went had host the inaugural affiliate world cup of pool. If my memory serves me right Team NZ came up tops. We then ventured out to get some food where we were confronted by an intimidatingly sized tranny who either hated out accents or didn’t like the fact that we wanted to eat at one table. Marcus/Mary, the man/lady, wouldn’t let some of the guys out of the restaurant so we called the cops, it was great entertainment!

Katz Deli, mostly hype. Service 3/10 food 7/10

With food on our minds, we headed to time square. Finally got some food. Then Josh took the duty upon himself to plank on a cop car.

——————————————-

ADHD Summary:

Steve H. ate a four pound lobster. Andy D. can’t touch Halal. Josh M. eats too much. Don’t go to Katz.

Affiliate Summit East has grown a heck of a lot since last year.

The STM and Adsimilis meet up was full past capacity.  Fines were given.

The Hudson Terrace and The Griffin are the best places for events in NYC.

Going to a baseball game is great for talking business.

The Heartbreaker is a trucked sized limo that should be used to leverage access into any nightclub.

I love this industry, some many great people. Nice seeing you all!

Maynzie (Josh) on planking duty

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Dear Stranger,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t posted for three months, and man does it feel odd to be writing again.

I’ve missed you. I missed the way you scrolled down my posts.

I know what you’re thinking, why the lack of posts?  It’s not you. It’s me.  It’s a combination of travel, my new ventures, a change in business mindset, me questioning why I still blog, plus a touch of laziness.

I started this blog to act as a networking tool. I now know a few people. Then, I wanted it to be a quality resource for marketing advice. I taught a few people.

Now I’m thinking of posting more high-level business conversation. This year I have invested myself in F5, an ad agency, a luxury BnB, and a solid chunk of stocks. Even though I still run campaigns myself, I’m more stimulated in talking about running a business then running campaigns.

Don’t get me wrong, I will still post some whack stuff. You will still question whether I am on tripping out on something chronic.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hey, and expect some more posts coming up from me very soon.

P.S. What the heck is with the “group” drama on Facebook?

I’d love to know. I don’t usually like to get involved with that kind of stuff, but when people automatically add you to a group and you get notifications for every single post, you don’t really have a choice. People seem to be getting a little precious.

P.P.S. Team Asia & South Pacific FTW! I’m proud of you lads!

Thoughtful dapper images, squatting images, or images of faces with twisted allergic reactions? You may be surprised by which performs the best.

Warning: Today’s post exceeds the ADHD reccomended total word count by about 2000 words. Take your meds before you scroll down.

Today I have with me the Professor in Plentyoffishology, Tom “Ain’t No Thang” Fang from iPyxel Creations.

Tom has been licking POF chops for the past two years. He has made this happen by taking a very structured/methodical approach to his POF campaigns.

The one mistake I see with people starting out on Plenty of Fish dating campaigns is they nearly ALWAYS go straight for plain professional images of good looking people…

Tom is about to show you what works, what doesn’t and most importantly why.

Tom: Today I’m going to share a lot of dating images that I use or have used in the past on POF. As many WILL probably copy these images and run them until the cows come home, I cannot guarantee that these will be profitable for you.

Mr Green: My readers would never do such a thing! Right guys??

Tom: We will see…However, I do know,  that these concepts are tried and true. So take some notes and get some inspiration or use it as review for what you already know. Hopefully, this will give you all a solid overview of what generally works and what doesn’t on POF.

What kind of images work on POF?

Amateur Photos:

This has probably been drilled into your head a million times, but it’s true! Amateur photos kill it on POF. Let’s face it, users of POF are on average less sophisticated than most other dating sites. If you put an amateur photo in front of them, they actually think that they might have the chance to date this person. So, find images that look like someone took the picture on their 3-megapixel camera for use as their profile picture.

People Holding Up Cameras

This is an extension of the amateur photos theme. This type of MySpace-esque profile shots completely validates the amateur nature of the images. No, it’s not attractive that these people decide that this is the only way to get a good picture of themselves, but it makes the person undeniably real.

Calling Out Ethnicity/Religion/Other Attributes

Calling out user attributes is a tried and true tactic that still works and will continue to work. The great thing about POF is the ability to target so many niches. So in addition to calling out user attributes via your copy, you should also call them out via your images. It makes a HUGE difference when you are targeting Muslims and you have girls to match your message.

Remember that even though people have different beliefs, human nature is more or less the same. That is, Christian and non-Christian girls all want muscular dudes! Having a cross on who could be a heathen can automatically brand her as Christian (but with all the other bells and whistles).

Drawings and White space

Never underestimate the power of whitespace: another principle that’s been said a ton of times yet extremely crowded ads still run rampant. Drawings like this tend to do very well on POF. I think the main reason is that it is SO different from the other ads. Drawings are also non-threatening and friendly. People tend to trust it more. Pair this alongside copy that’s written in a similar style will yield great results.

What works specifically for females?

Muscles

Ask any woman whether they want a hunk or a fat dude. Well, don’t even ask; it’s common sense. Muscular guys generally do better than not. The key is the six-pack!

Uniforms

No doubt you’ve heard of this one, probably because it works. Women are less drawn to the physical attribute of men. Yes, they like muscles, but it’s not the actual muscles that they like. It’s the vibe that the guy carries. It says something about his personality and lifestyle. Women are drawn to fantasies and ideas. When you sell them a specific idea such as a military man, you are taking advantage of all of the positive externalities that are associated with that uniform.

Tattoos

Tattoos often do well with the younger crowd. They do well because the tattoos designate these guys badass. Women like guys who are confident, expressive, and don’t give a shit. Tattoos say all of that and more. These guys certainly don’t look like they’re going to be finishing last.

Couples

Images of couples have worked great for me targeting women, whether it’s out of admiration, jealousy, familiarity, comfort, or just because it’s different from most images. These images are saying “this is what you could have.” I think they work especially well for the older crowd as serious relationships are what they look for typically. Better yet, target relationships with them.

Pets and Babies

Pets and babies can really increase comfort as well. It says that this guy is not a bad guy. It says that this guy has responsibilities and cares for someone other than himself. The alternative guys with babies have worked pretty well since you’re capturing both the good and badass sides of the guy.

Mr Green: Baby pets must kill it!..Possibly pet babies (a.k.a babies on leashes)

Confidence

This should be more common sense here: get images of guys who look like they believe in themselves and seem to have their shit together.

What works specifically for males?

Curvy Women and Large Breasts

News flash: the guys on POF only have ONE thing on their mind when they’re surfing, and that’s sex. What will get them to click the most is sex, so you must sell sex. Men are incredibly visual creatures, so what will attract their attention are butts, breasts, and a flirty look.

While these women might not be the kind of women the guys would want to date or marry, they do catch their attention because in the world of instant gratification, they are the ones they would want to take home for a night. Large breasts do particularly well. As a matter of fact, if the breasts look like they are disproportionately too big for her, you probably found a winner.

Emo Chicks

Images of alternative people seem to do well in general on POF. I have a few campaigns that run exclusively emo girls, and do surprisingly well. I didn’t really think people would be big fans of it since I’m not myself, but something about them makes people want to click. Of course, you need the appropriate copy to go with it.

Girls in Glasses

Everyone likes a nerdy hot gal. Something about the glasses makes them seem more easily approachable. Models also typically do not wear glasses, so the images come off as more amateurish and real.

Women in Sleepwear

Photos taken on the bed or what seems to be what the girl sleeps in or lounges in have done well for me. It has to do with the fact that it associates sleeping, with sensuality. The guys must be thinking: “Well, she’s already there. All I have to do is show up!”

Cougars

This is a pretty common fantasy, and it works pretty well on POF. It works well enough on POF that young guys are seeing a lot of these ads already. They work well because there’s a notion that if an older woman wants to date, she obviously doesn’t want to get into a serious relationship. It really gets the younger guys going. It’s getting pretty saturated now, however.

Webcam-esque Images

Webcams are associated with amateurs. If the girl uses a webcam, then the guy might think that she will webcam with him. He can foreseeably believe that he might get to interact with her through the safety of his computer screen.

What just doesn’t work on POF?

Professional Looking Photos

Professional looking images just simply don’t work on POF. When the user thinks the person in the image is a model and isn’t real, they lose interest. Professional images bring people’s attention to the fact that your ad is an ad, and that you are trying to sell them something.

Cartoons

I tried playful clipart and cartoons a few times, and they just completely bombed for me. I don’t think POF has that kind of innocent playfulness that you might find at Facebook. I could be targeting the wrong audience with it or wrote bad copy to accompany the images, but I just don’t see them working well at POF.

Images that Cover Up the Face

This is just a general theme that I’ve found. Images that do not show, or covers up most of, the subject’s face tend to not do well. I think it makes the image more impersonal. When looking at a picture of someone, you typically look first at the eyes to connect with the person.

Losers

This should really go without saying, but I see a lot of images being used of people (of men in particular) who look incredibly boring and don’t really have their shit together. Using amateur images doesn’t mean go find lowlifes! Find good looking people with something interesting about them who can pass as amateur. If it’s a picture of a guy being lazy or eating a bowl of leftovers, don’t use it. When in doubt, as yourself: “Would my friend/sister/mom/cousin date him in a MILLION years?”

Flashy Outrageous Ads

Some people really misconstrue what I say when I tell them their ads need to be attention grabbing. When I look at the example ad here, I’m thinking this is gotta be a joke. The point of an ad is not to annoy your target into clicking. People on POF have such short attention spans that if you hit the wrong trigger in the least bit (in this case they are immediately annoyed by your ad), they will move on in a nanosecond. If this ad looks anything close to what you’re advertising, you should seriously think about pulling the reins back on you’re outrageousness.

Mr Green: Nice Tom! You gave me a bit of inspiration. One trend that I noticed across your images, is that a lot of them crossed over using multiple elements. For example one of your images has an amateur looking photo of a muscly guy, with a tattoo. The cool trick was that the tattoo is of a cross so it gains interest from a religious demographic as well. 

ADHD Summary:

General images that work.

• Amateur photos
• People holding cameras
• Calling out religion or ethnicity
• Drawings and white space

Let us know if we missed any!

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Damn son! It’s been two years since the birth of this blog. Man has it been an exciting ride. So much crazy stuff has happened, both good and bad.

I’m sitting in a cafe in Italy and have limited time so I can’t go nuts with photoshop like I normally would. So I have decided to put a list of my favorite post for the past two years.

The Good:

• A left field approach to creating campaigns
• The 1 penny tip
• Mr Green acquires FB Ad Manager.
• Plenty of Fish button case study
• Zero cent clicks on FB
• The launch of Stackthatmoney
• 5 Things that helped me when starting out
• How to become an affiliate millionaire in 3 years

The Bad:

• A warning to affiliates.
• You make $400,000 a month, so what? 
• How I got scammed lost $50,000
• How I got Scammed $35,000

The Ugly:

• Ultimate April Fools Day Prank
• Ugly designs work
• My first ever post
• Volk you are going down

Anywho, I hoped you  have enjoyed it all. You guys have been great, your awesome feedback has fueled me to keep going! Just holla if there are any topics I haven’t covered that you want covered.

P.S. If you want to get me a birthday present, I would really like to dress up in a pedobear suit whilst driving a fast car. You can get me it for free by voting here. Haha I swear this is the last time I will mention this contest!!!

Since I was five years old and bright eyed surprise I’ve always dreamt of going 220mph (330kmh) in a super car dressed as a pedobear.

I joke…that is probably one of my nightmares.  But doesn’t everyone enjoy seeing people piss their pants and confront their nightmares? That is a gift I am prepared to give to you guys.

Three weeks ago a contest was started by Affiliatewire. Affiliate bloggers had to submit their blog and get votes. The prize is flights to LAX, three days accommodation and a ride in a super car that goes 220mph. While I do not like to be coerced into affiliate network promo contests, in this case I made an exception.

I entered two weeks late – stone cold in last place. Now I’m hustling at 5th place but there is stiff competition.

So in the Mr Green fashion I’ve decided to give things a little twist. I have pledged that if I win I will do two things:

1. If I win, I will drive the car dressed as pedobear.

100% polyester. Surprisingly pricey but well worth the investment. They guarantee that it's enchanting.

2. I will also personally host an STM/Mr Green readers meet up whilst I’m in LA.

There ain't no meet up like an STM meet up!

I don’t ask much out of you almighty readers…but now I’m calling on you, yes YOU. I need your help to make my nightmare come true.

There’s around 20 other bloggers that are trying to take me down. They are trying to stop me from dawning the pedobear suit.

Vote for me here. (Thanks in advance)

For extra Mr Green respect points get your aunty to vote for me too.

Thank you to everyone who has voted already!!!

P.S. There are three world records at stake.

1. World’s fastest affiliate on land.

2. World’s fastest pedobear on land.

3. World’s fastest affiliate dressed as a pedobear on land.

I apologise for the title; it sounds angry. I love you all dearly however today’s post is not of my quill.

The ever so graceful Angry Russian is back and is about to explain to you a proven affiliate strategy that takes the luck out of this game.

Angry Russian:  Does this sound like you? You hear of a hot new offer or a hot new traffic source so you fire up Photoshop, bang out some creatives, and launch a new campaign. You sit and wait for approval…then…BAM all of the sudden $100 spend and 0 conversions.

Mr Green: Yes I hate that. I always think I could have spent that $100 on a day’s worth of laser tag.

Angry Russian: STFU! Don’t start this crap again.

The Problem.

A lot of  you affiliates wait until your affiliate manager throws another “sick offer that’s crushing it” your way. Then you repeat the process, launch the campaign and again, you curse “this shit don’t work!”

Of course it doesn’t work.

How can it when all you do is fling shit against a wall and hope it sticks? Let’s face it, most affiliates treat their business like gambling. They keep waiting to hit it big. So they throw $50 here and there testing new traffic, new offers and wait for that jackpot.

Now don’t get me wrong. If you test enough, something will make money.

BUT

… how long before that shit dries up and falls off the wall? We experienced affiliates have seen this too often. Traffic sources dry up, affiliates copy your campaign, ad networks rip your stuff or out your strategy, it’s just a matter of time.

Success in affiliate marketing isn’t achieved through luck, it’s found in scrupulous process. You need to build a systematic approach to how you run your campaigns. Mr Green can agree, and is actually one of the people who encouraged me to systematically test campaigns.

Mr Green: Ye speak truths. If you want to be in this long-term, you have to have a method to the madness. Relying on wishbones and horseshoes will only guarantee you a good conversion rate for a heart attack.

Angry Russian: Indeed. A seasoned affiliate has developed a process to which he can make almost any offer work on any traffic source. The only question typically is volume not profitability. A solid converting offer doesn’t need to be a monster to be scaled to $x,xxx a day. All of these “killing it” offers are just distractions. Stick to steady offers and develop your process and you will feel better knowing that no matter how this eternally evolving  industry shifts, you will have a system for testing and optimising campaigns.

The Solution.

Angry Russian uses a simple 7 step routine.

Just to share a real world example, here at FlipSite Media we’ve broken down our process to something like this:

Mr Green: Nice Plug. Very subtle.

Angry Russian: …I wish I could physically hurt you through the internet.

• Step1: We have a “go to” traffic source(s) with whom we test offers. What we look for are reasonable rates, CPM bidding, quick approvals and easy launching.

• Step2: We then leverage our media buying experience and use past experience of creatives to build new ones to compare against controls.

• Step3: We collect data. At this point profitability isn’t vital. We just want to know which ads and landing pages work and if we’re lucky we gather some targeting info as well.

• Step4: We take our data, dissect it and launch more campaigns to figure out the exact [banner + lander + targeting] that yield the best results yet still have enough VOLUME to warrant us pressing further. NOTE: You don’t need to use a lander – you could direct link – but often advertisers have more than one lander so we try to test all combinations.

• Step5: Once we know our combinations, we scale to other traffic sources. Typically once you know your target demographic, it’s likely that you’ll be able to make it work elsewhere.

• Step6: Rinse and repeat for new offer(s).

• Step7: Always be split testing and optimising existing campaigns – usually weekly or monthly depending on ROI and volume.

Mr Green: Thank you Mr Happy Fappy Man. My strategy is very similar to yours, except I tend to use landers the majority of the time.

Mr Green: For sure. Take a look at Bear Grylls, he uses the same strategy in every single survival situation. 1. Climb to the highest point, to have the best view on surroundings. 2. Find food and water. 3. Sort a shelter. 4. Find a stream and follow it down (it always leads down to civilizations).

Angry Russian: What has this got to do with affiliate marketing?

Mr Green: Not too much..it’s just that I’ve wanted to talk about Bear’s strategy and never got the chance.

Angry Russian: …

———————

I am curious how many of you readers follow a systematic approach when creating campaigns. If you don’t, have you successfully been doing affiliate marketing for more than a year?