Mr Green: I am running out of ways to introduce this guy. He’s happy, he’s blushin’, he’s the Angry Russian. Have you received the fur hat I sent in the mail yet?
Angry Russian: No, and if it does come I will never wear it.
Mr Green: Well you’re no fun.
Angry Russian: Life isn’t fun, get over it. Right, back on topic…
There are many reasons why affiliates have a hard time breaking through including network scrubbing, offer down time, campaign theft, traffic source changes, etc.
However there are 5 types of affiliates guaranteed to fail.
In fact I’ll go as far as saying that if you spend more than 20% of your time with people in this group you’ll fail too.
1. “The Bull Shitter”
I’m sure you know this guy. He’s probably on your SKYPE/AIM list right now and an IM from him is basically like throwing 30 minutes of your life away. You can also find him trolling forums in Shooting the Shit sections.
These people just love to talk shop. Whether they do the things they talk about is another totally different story. You can usually spot these people when they ask open ended questions about traffic, offers, industry that don’t affect their business in any way. Avoid these people like the plague. They’ll grill you for hours and then won’t do anything with what you talk to them about.
2. “The Crow”
Also known as the “shiny object syndrome guy”. These affiliates jump at every new strategy, traffic and offer that comes out.
They get super pumped up and before they even launch a test they jump on the next HOT offer that’s killing it, making millionaire ballers out of everyone who comes within a 2 foot pole of it. News flash! By the time someone tells you something is killing it, it’s already too late! Stick to one thing. Focus, then make it work. Make sure you don’t get distracted by these people. They love to get others on the bandwagon to failure.
3. “The Perfectionist”
Have you ever spent more than 5 hours on a landing page? If so you are wasting your time and might be one of them.
These affiliates spend way too much time on things that really don’t matter. Do you really think getting the CSS “just” right or finding the perfect shade of red will really make or break your campaign? It’s a numbers games folks. Launch, launch, and launch some more. If you spend all your time setting EVERYTHING up then launching 1 campaign every 2 weeks, you’ll never make it. Start collecting data NOW. You can always make the tweaks to design and other nonsense later.
4. “The eBooker”
Similar to the crow but 10 times worse because they actually waste their money on shitty affiliate products and tools.
Let me elaborate: I have nothing against paying for tools, after all I pay for CPVLabs, my IP proxies, and a few forums and am damn proud of it. But the difference is I know these things are tools and not a 1-stop solution to my business. The eBooker thinks he can buy his way to success so he keeps wasting money on EVERY product and service that hits his inbox regardless of whether he has any use for it. If you’ve spend more than $500 on affiliate products, you’re a damn fool. You would have gotten much more out of your money if you actually spent it on traffic!
5. “The Networker”
You can usually spot this guy by how many names he drops when you first meet him, especially when the names they drop are the super blogger names and not the real names.
Note: If anyone tells you they know the Angry Russian… they don’t know me. Walk far away. I mentioned in a previous post the importance of meeting people in the industry, but don’t let this turn into your business. Your business is to make money and meet people because you either want to work with them, or just like their company, not because you think dropping their name will open some magical doors to riches.
The most insidious thing about the deadly 5 affiliates listed above is we ALL, yes including the great Angry Russian, at some point or another turn into one of them.
Mr Green: I would spot you for a part-time Crow, I am right or am I right?
Angry Russian: I’m going to be your full-time nightmare if you keep interrupting my post.
Mr Green: …
Angry Russian: The key is to catch yourself and others before you’re sucked into its whirlwind and left broke and tempted to look for a job…
Try being one of the following affiliates instead:
- “The Doer” – This guy doesn’t have time to talk because he’s getting shit done that makes him money.
- “The Optimist” – So what that you cant find something profitable? You keep testing because you know there are assholes out there making bank, why shouldn’t it be you?
- “The Baller” – Stop treating yourself as a shitty affiliate and start acting like you have a real business. Watch how much more people are willing to work with you.
- “The Mr Green” – This is just a level that can’t even be put into words. Its like the Buddha when he first discovers that everything is interconnected.
Mr Green: Shucks! I knew you had some warmth in your stone cold heart.
Angry Russian: …my pinky finger is hovering over the delete button.