Why Internet Marketing Is Like Picking Up Chicks
By on Sep 20, 2011

When I started the ‘ole internet marketing gig, I was set on selling things directly. I would try to sell products in my ads with this kind of approach: “Buy this now for $49.99”. I was very confused as to why on earth someone would use a landing page instead of sending prospects the affiliate offer directly.

My naive mindset was buy my stuff now or forever hold your peace.

It was only when I started getting involved with a weird thing called “split testing” that I truly appreciated the subtle techniques of creating ads and landing pages.

For all the budding marketers who haven’t figured it out yet, here is my shot at explaining in layman’s terms why subtle ads and landing pages work extremely well. The idea of the “picking up” analogy was also mentioned in marketingexperiments.com…great minds think alike?

Story Time!

I would like to introduce you to Dennis; he’s your typical lonely, single lad, eager to meet and greet:


Bored and sad on a Friday afternoon, Dennis decides to head down to a local bar. He sits at the bar and scans the area. His watchful eyes lock on to a fine specimen of the opposite gender.

He then thinks about Mr Green’s mindset “buy my stuff now or forever hold your peace”, and approachs the girl. Dennis grabs her then gives her a kiss on the lips.

SLAP!!! The girl lays a five finger special on Dennis’ right cheek.


Dennis was unsuccessful.

Why? Because he rushed the call to action.

If Dennis wants to have any kind of relationship with a lassy he has to have some form of communication before he introduces the call to action.

Dennis needs to engage in conversation with the girl. He’s gotta start busting out some pick up lines. Once he initiates conversation, Dennis has to show the girl why he is a great catch. He doesn’t need to show that physically he’s a great catch; maybe he’s funny, smart, or simply interesting. Whatever it is Dennis needs to show to his victim why.


How does this relate back to affiliate marketing?

  • Think of the hot girl as a user browsing the site on which you’re advertising.
  • Think of the pick up line as your ad’s headline.
  • Think of the conversation as your landing page.
  • The kiss (or more) as your converted lead.

By having a smooth headline, followed by an interesting, undemanding, relevant langing page, you’ll increase your odds of hitting a home run.

Not interested in a short term fling? Get started with follow up emails.

I can personally say I’ve made most of my moneyΒ  from a series of landing pages encouraging conversation.long strings of conversation. I’d say that 10 per cent of my affiliate income has come from direct linking (going straight in for the kill).

It’s true that most internet marketers start off like Dennis (me included!). Those that stick around are those that’ve learnt to analyse their game strategy and technique.

So next time you’re on the prowl for a hot traffic source, don’t just see her as a sugar mama piece of meat. Play it cool, take it slow, and start con-ver-sating with Miss Prospect.

Comments (45)

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  1. Daniel Henry says:

    Nice blog post Mr. Green!

  2. d3so says:

    What a neat way to put it.
    I too started out going in for the kiss.

  3. Sumonc says:

    haha you just made me think about Google Adwords….you don't have relevant landing pages, you will get the "Google Slap"…that one hurts big time.

  4. Steve says:

    Interesting 'forever alone' graphic – When does the narwhal bacon Lorenzo??

  5. Gretchen says:

    SUPERB. Love the analogy + way this was written!

  6. joseph says:

    love the pic of the chunky asian girl!!

  7. Jamie says:

    Interesting analogy, never thought of it that way, but that may encourage me to work on my landing pages…

  8. Tray says:

    Spit Testing:

    Quote = "For all the budding marketers who haven’t figured it out yet, here is my shot at explaining in layman’s terms why subtle ads and landing pages work extremely well."

    As the banner 3 inches above this sentence flashes to a siezue inducing fit of red, green, pink and purple backgrounds resulting in a % to hit the back button follwed by a c.p. "unsub from rss" action.

    lawls πŸ™‚

  9. T202LEX says:

    No Wonder You Are so Good at Picking Up chicks…..

    • mrgreenam says:

      Sometimes you get to the point when you have a demographic that buys and buys off you all the time, that there is no need to scout out for other demos haha

  10. TROLL FACEEE (inside joke)

    Great post. Although I agree LPs are sweet especially when you have to get a user to take a big action like buy or sign up, I found for things like zip submits and other quick LPs its better to just DL so as NOT to create another extra layer between you and the conversion.

    But like you mentioned. Split test!

  11. I *just* finished the book "The Game", which is all about pickup artists. This post made me realize that all of their techniques can be used in IM too. It's funny how different skill sets can migrate across mediums. Now all I have to figure out is in what way a threesome with 2 hot babes correlates to marketing.

  12. Totally awesome post Lorenzo and perfect analogy πŸ™‚ but I'd hate to see Dennis as a landing page…

  13. Lavish says:

    Damn Mr Green, is there anything you can't do? Not only do I read your blog for marketing tips, I'm now hitting you up for advice wid dem ladies too πŸ˜‰

    Personally I like to go hard in the paint, but there's some good stuff in here.


  14. Keen says:

    Love the post, and loving the freaky face hahah

  15. tygoldberg says:

    whey wut?

    you're not supposed to go for the chute off the bat.

    damn you.

  16. Chris says:

    Yeah, I never worry about rejection because I make the girls (SEO)

  17. chris says:


    I never worry about rejection because I make the girls look for me (SEO)

  18. Patrick says:

    Another dynamic of dating that is allegory to IM:

    Your subject is most likely to 'buy', or convert, the first time you engage them – just like in dating. That being said, you should not only try to get the most out of them as possible in the 'first engagement,' but to make sure that you aren't putting as much of your resources as you did in the first engagement any meeting thereafter.

    This could equate to buying on sites that allow you to set bids based on frequency caps. If you are targeting a primed audience, make sure to not pay the same CPM as you raise your frequency caps and the amount of ads your subject has already seen. Of course this should eventually be tested out of your campaigns, but knowing this will save you a little bit of $ in the testing phase. Take facebook, for instance. As you raise your bids, your clicks per unique user goes up. The higher that number, the lower you *should* be paying.

    Equate this to letting yourself be known at the bar, building rapport up over the night, then going in for a casual conversation and eventually 'the conversion,' just before last call.

    Even better – find the subject on a medium that isn't priming them to be wary of 'advances.' Maybe a dating offer as a pop off of a credit card decline page…


  19. ChadH says:

    I will add this… The fastest i’ve ever closed deals with women was not only with a conversation, but moreso a conversation about them.

    The more i can get them to talk about themselves, the more they reveal, the more they trust.

    Eventually, they start talking about their pain points…. And then its the home stretch.

  20. Kang says:

    Dear Lorenzo,

    Can you teach me how to make coffee too?

  21. […] Β ”Why Internet Marketing Is Like Picking Up Chicks“ – Do you have serious game or are you rushing the CTA? Here’s why Mr. Green thinks Internet marketing and picking up chicks are one in the same. More importantly, here’s how that analogy can help you out. […]

  22. […] Β ”Why Internet Marketing Is Like Picking Up Chicks“ – Do you have serious game or are you rushing the CTA? Here’s why Mr. Green thinks Internet marketing and picking up chicks are one in the same. More importantly, here’s how that analogy can help you out. […]

  23. Scheme says:

    What about if i want to drug her up and have my way with her?

  24. Ralph says:

    haha…this was great learning story

  25. Ryan says:

    This is a great way to explain affiliate marketing and consumer engagement. I really like how you even took the old slap stick comedy right out of the gate. Man get's to quick with his eagerness to meet and greet he gets slapped. Consumer engagement is a tricky balance of communication and courtship. then a slow and choreographed conversation to the finish line (sales call & products moved) Thanks for the classy explanation…

  26. Christina says:


    Awesome creepy cartoon face btw, but it made me sad when he cried!
    You're so right. When I first started I couldn't figure out why people who were typing in buyer keywords (so they're already ready to buy, right?) still had to be cajoled and sweet-talked into buying–I mean, they want to buy, and that's why they type in the product number of name, right? I guess it comes down to wanting to associate with a reputable site/company/shop…you don't give just anyone your business.

  27. Cool post and i like the cartoon, good work.

    Greets from Germany

  28. Jon Poland says:

    Lorenzo — I really like the analogy. Both marketers and guys trying to pick up girls run into the same barrier: "Is my message believable?" And the best way to make both the prospect and the girl believe you is to build "Trust."

    One big problem I see with a lot of marketers is that they don't want to put in the extra effort it takes to build trust. That is what separates the pros from those who struggle. The pros are willing to do the work it takes to build a relationship.

  29. Nice post. I like the way you analyzed it.

  30. Seymore says:

    Making a sale online is close to a cold call. The person doesn't know you, can't see you and both methods are devised to part the customer from their dollars. The good thing about the internet in relation to a cold call is if they found your landing site, then they were looking for something related and potentially have an interest in buying. There's certainly an art to the sale, such as establishing trust, having a commonality with the prospect, and creating a sense of urgency. It takes time to learn to write effective sales copy. There is the hard way which could take years to learn or you can take internet marketing courses. At least with the course work you can add it to your resume and potentially get a job in internet marketing to learn at an accelerated rate. Then you can work on making your millions on the side while your able to pay the bills.

  31. Dean says:

    Love the analogy in this post. It's all about the relationship which has to last longer than what it takes for a single kiss….if that is to be successful or slapped down. I hear the click away from the mouse with the rushed approach. Hey, some of the tools to test are google analytics and omniture. University of San Francisco has a landing page that's pretty cool if you want a model, but not only that they are offering some free training on the tools. Here's the link: http://lp.usanfranonline.com/internet-mktg/career

  32. Infinity says:

    hahah you know what? we've been just talking about this analogy with a friend of mine:) that's a strange coincidance isn't it?;) I agree 120% with you!

  33. Hi, its fastidious piece of writing regarding media
    print, we all know media is a great source of information.

  34. Kjonmarket says:

    To stay in the competition commonly what organizations prefer is to go for advertisements programs like pay for every click. Possibly it can help in getting favorable outcome,
    SEO Company in Chicago but it cut down the profits of any organization up to a great extent because of costs that cannot be recovered. Also there might be a probability of issues like limits on visitors and fraud.

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